Are drugs the issue? Is alcohol responsible? Could it be a mix of both? Or perhaps neither is the answer? Is the loss of hearing and vision a factor to consider? Think about these questions as you continue. I’m talking about our children, and I want to mention that they are both adopted and faced exposure to drug addiction and alcohol while in the womb.
Is our daughters’ hearing and vision issues impacting her comprehension and leading to her frequent outbursts? My husband recently shared that he feels like we’re trapped in our own home because of the kids. There are days when it genuinely feels that way. Even a quick trip to the grocery store can turn into quite the ordeal.
Our three-year-old is slowly losing her sight and hearing. Some mornings, I feel a sense of dread when it’s time to get her dressed because her temper tantrums can be so draining. It seems like every little thing turns into a struggle, resulting in long episodes of crying, screaming, and even hitting.
I’m digging through every shirt in her drawer, trying to figure out what she wants to wear. Tears are streaming down her face as she shouts “blue,” and I hurriedly pull out every blue item I can find. Each piece is snatched from my hands and tossed onto the floor, her cries getting louder and more frantic. Suddenly, I think about asking her to “show me” the shirt she wants. She takes my hand and leads me to the laundry basket. To my surprise, she calms down a bit as she starts searching through the clothes, finally pulling out a blue shirt from the very bottom. I try to explain, using words and sign language, that “it’s dirty, and mom needs to wash it. We can wear it tomorrow.” But as I put the shirt back in the hamper, the wailing starts again. She yanks it out and desperately tries to put it on, determined to wear the smelly shirt. No matter how I try to explain, she just can’t understand that the clothes she wants aren’t clean. In a moment of frustration, I grab another blue shirt and dress her while carrying her to the car as she continues to scream at the top of her lungs.
We’ve got to get going and drop off the kids at two separate schools. I can only imagine how much noise we make every morning that the neighbors must hear. It’s not the best way to start the day for anyone involved. People love to share their tips with my husband and me, suggesting we pick out her clothes the night before or limit her choices to two. Sadly, these suggestions don’t really help, as the morning tantrums continue. We even tried choosing her outfits the night before, but that just triggered another meltdown because she thought we were getting dressed to go out.
My husband asked me, “Do you think this is a ‘deaf thing?’” after we experience mornings like this more often than not. I understand his question, and to be honest, I find myself pondering the same thing. I often wonder if our daughter’s hearing loss plays a role in her tantrums and meltdowns. She seems to miss out on so much casual conversation happening around her, and I know she sometimes misinterprets what she hears.
One day, while driving to school, our 5-year-old son proudly tells his sister that he is her big brother. Suddenly, she starts crying and exclaims, “I not brother, I T!” Her brother, confused, insists, “I’m telling you, I am your brother.” This only makes her more upset as she shouts, “He tell me I brother! I not brother, I T!” What seems like a simple mix-up quickly turns into a full-blown meltdown, and we find ourselves enduring another 20 minutes of her screaming and crying, unable to grasp what was being said. We’ve come to realize that while it may seem like our daughter hears everything, she struggles to understand the conversation, which leads to frustration for everyone involved. She feels upset because she can’t express herself clearly.
She is currently dealing with a mild to moderate hearing loss in both ears. It’s hard to say if this will still be true next year or in five years. Facing progressive hearing loss is challenging, and when you throw in progressive vision loss, it can be quite heartbreaking at times.
When I was jolted awake one night to the sound of my daughter screaming and crying at her bedroom door, unable to see her way down the hall, it really struck me how scary this situation is for her.
My husband and I often find ourselves holding back our feelings to create a sense of normalcy for our daughter. Honestly, it can be quite challenging. She does receive consequences for her behavior when necessary and we are committed to teaching her that expressing emotions is perfectly fine, as long as it’s done in a suitable way. When others suggest that if we just did “this”or “that,” then our daughter would have fewer tantrums, they really don’t grasp what it’s like for a 3-year-old to navigate a world full of uncertainties. Some days, I just want to break down and cry alongside her, and there are times when I actually do.